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Levity

6/2/2021

13 Comments

 
A new arrival comes to the gates of heaven. Saint Peter asks, "Your religion?" The man answers "Sikh." Saint Peter checks his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet passing room 8."
Another person arrives. "Religion?"
"Buddhist."
"Go to room 18, but pass room 8 very quietly along the way."
A third person arrives at the gates. "Religion?"
"Hipster New Age, dude."
"Go to room 11, but please be quiet and walk slowly passing number 8."
The young man replies, "I understand different rooms for religions, but what's up with eight, man?"
St. Peter responds, "Christians go there, they think they're the only ones here."
=========================
Three men are discussing technique.
The Frenchman says "after being with my wife, she is floating on air".
The new age guy says "with my girlfriend, she hovers six inches over the floor".
The Aussie says "I don't know about you guys, but after finishing with the missus I wipe it on the curtains, and she hits the roof".
=====================
I used to be New Age, now just old age.
=============================
Heard of the New Age great whites? They've got very balanced sharkras.
==========================
Reincarnation is making a comeback.
==========================
I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last lifetime, either.
=========================================
The church exterior badly needed a coat of paint, the preacher would do it himself but had only one can. Mixing with water thinned the paint enough to cover the entire outside. That night it rained hard, washing off the new color. Quite discouraged the preacher asked the Lord, "Why, GOD? . . . Why did you let it rain and wash off all my hard work?" To which came His thundered reply, "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
=============
Father O'Malley answers the phone Monday morning.
"Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"
"It is."
"This is the tax collector’s office. Can you help us?"
"I can."
"Do you know a John Smith?"
"I do."
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is."
"Did he donate $1,000 to your church?"
"This afternoon he certainly will."
========================
A rich man near death was upset because he had worked hard for his wealth and feared he couldn't take any to Heaven. He prayed that he might.
An angel appeared and said, "You cannot take material riches." The man implored the angel to ask God for an exception, then continued to pray.
The angel re-appeared and said God will allow one suitcase. Overjoyed, the man filled his largest with solid gold bars and put it near his bed.
Soon he died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. Saint Peter saw the luggage and said, "Wait, you may not bring that with you."  The man explained his permission. Saint Peter stepped away to check, returned and said, "I've never heard of this before. You are right, God said one carry-on bag but The Lord asked me to check it first."
The new arrival happily opened his cherished suitcase, Saint Peter's eyes grew wide, he smiled and exclaimed, "You brought paving stones!"
13 Comments
Linda
6/2/2021 11:57:35

Those were great, Patrick. Here’s my leaven:
From a bumper sticker during the 1970s...

SAVE THE GAY WHALES FOR JESUS

(Five days from now brings us to Feb 11, which a new moon and a nine day, numerologically speaking)

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Scott R
6/2/2021 13:02:21

Repaint, repaint!...lol.

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Steve
6/2/2021 23:44:47

I learned me a new word, can't believe I've not come across " Levity" before in 60 years on ye ole planet !! 😁

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Patrick
7/2/2021 10:57:31

It's the process when an angel passes gas near the cake mix or bread dough in a bakery.

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Candy
8/2/2021 01:06:55

@Steve I also learned a new word, Patrick is expanding our vocabulary😄
A little redneck levity...
Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.
We found himalayan in the road.
That’s all I got folks😂😂😂

pierluigi
7/2/2021 03:18:30

Time flies
impossible! They are too fast!

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Scott R
7/2/2021 03:53:07

They are all pretty funny.. Levity at its best. You never hear that word used too much. So...what doth everyone thinketh about the latest bomb shell?? "The World Health Organization (WHO) investigated Wuhan Laboratories in China and concluded that the Covid 19 virus was created under the direction of Bill Gates and Barack Obama. .https://t.me/Republican_Party_Trump/77

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Scott R
7/2/2021 04:04:29

Another question, why would WHO turn against Barack Obama and Bill Gates by saying this? I thought they worked together. That's not a quest. for the Committee, Pat. Its too criminal, but anyone else?

pierluigi
7/2/2021 08:16:09

This is arguabily 98% fake news and 2% possible distraction.

Have a nice day
Pierluigi

Scott R
7/2/2021 14:34:52

Thanks, Pierluigi, I got caught up in the moment, your right. I guess they allow that to confuse...someone sneaks these in. ).

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Susan
8/2/2021 19:16:35

I know I know it's the Acturian Council again, but this is a good reminder message....


“Greetings. We are the Arcturian Council. We are pleased to connect with all of you.
We are never ones to take ourselves seriously. We know that we are just travelers through space and time in this universe of ours, no different from any other travelers who are out there playing their part in the cosmic dance that we are all performing together. We definitely do have perspectives, and we share them with you all the time, but we know enough to not get too attached to those perspectives. And we know enough not to grip tightly to any belief that comes in to our consciousness for a while.
We love to be playful, not serious. If we had the ability to laugh, we would, all the time, but even without physical bodies we can still feel what laughter feels like to all of you. And we enjoy being light about all that is a part of this journey. We invite you to do the same. We know that many of you have very tightly-held beliefs about a lot of things, and when you find out someone believes something that is different from what you believe, that’s when you dig in your heels and start yelling or typing in all caps. And that’s no way to live.
You can let go of tightly-held beliefs in favor of joy, in favor of love, in favor of laughter, and everyone there on Earth could benefit from using the phrase, ‘I don’t know’ more often. When you really think that you know something to be true, and you are offended when someone else doesn’t think the way you do, that really is a recipe for disaster. If you being in a high vibration is dependent upon everyone agreeing with you about anything, then you are setting yourself up for failure and a very unhappy journey.
Part of growing and evolving is letting go, and when you let go, you let love. You let love in; you let love dictate your words, thoughts and actions; you let love be your priority, your policy, and your number one belief. Believing in love is like believing in yourselves, which is so much more important than your stance on any of the hot button topics there on Earth at this time. We invite you to join us in being lighthearted, not taking any of this too seriously, and we encourage you to laugh at yourselves all the time. We guarantee you that you will grow exponentially if you can learn how to do that. If you can let go and let love, then you can let yourself become who you really are, effortlessly, because anything that you are clinging to there on Earth is only holding you back and holding you down.
So please let it go and rise above the differences of opinion, of perspective, and of belief that you have there on your world. It’s not worth it; you don’t have to sacrifice your happiness for being right or winning an argument. And a nice byproduct of doing what we are suggesting here is that you will have full and open contact much sooner if you can stop fighting long enough to put a smile on your faces and realize that you are on a beautiful ride through the galaxy, and that you are becoming your higher selves, regardless of what you believe.
We are the Arcturian Council, and we have enjoyed connecting with you.”

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Patrick
8/2/2021 19:32:00

My channelings do not get posted anywhere else. I get the sensation I and/or we are being proselytised.

"....if you can stop fighting long enough to put a smile on your faces and realize that you are on a beautiful ride through the galaxy..."

My interpretation of this statement: Please ignore the fact —and it IS a fact— that nearly all humans get along with one another, instead please pay attention to the very few jerks among you humans who do not, to allow us the High Council the ability to extrapolate that small minority unto all of you with one broad stroke of our brush, in order to blame all of you across the spectrum of mankind for the missteps of just a small group, of just the very few..

Overall the tone comes across to me as smug, condescending & arrogant dogma dressed up in nice clothing.

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Magic Mike
9/2/2021 00:26:42

My favourite that always prompts a response from Christians - All hail Satin! Cotton is nice to.

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