Chapter 3 Marriage, Dating, Parenthood and Divorce
"As the many and nearly all of you know, you who read these words, creating new humans, having babies, does not require an ongoing relationship between a fertile female and a male, simply copulation.
If this approach were preferred thus common, humans would be little different from animals. Physically this is true; animals exist on Earth with equivalent or superior longevity, manual dexterity, agility, velocity, strength, resistance and adaptability.
The human mind ―your soul― is the great divider. Human intelligence is not the product of human superiority, as it so appears if the existence of the soul is not considered.
Humans have discovered the best way to bring a newborn to adulthood, and this occurs when a family is created. Both parents remain involved with the offspring and by natural extension with one another.
We speak to developments which now flourish, enabled by human technology, inexistent only a few decades before these words are offered.
In societies where the technology is widely available, it is used just as broadly. Meeting a person with the objective of eventual romance has become a similar if not the same process as shopping for inanimate goods and products.
This trend ignores for convenience, a fundamental difference: humans do not communicate with inanimate objects. Whether a person becomes known to another by one means or another is itself not so important. What will matter to them both will be how they interact, and principally what they say to one another.
We digress for a moment to draw a comparison to our own civilizations and methods of interpersonal communications.
We have well developed sight, more acute than humans and far less prone to age effects, such as hyperopia. Humans easily correct, for the purposes of reading and maintaining visual acuity in general, inability to focus on close objects. Because of this, we also read extensively, written communication nearly universally conducted in great depth. Many humans still do not become skilled in reading well or at all, and do not develop much written expression ability.
Human speech is nearly universal and has been for a large portion of human presence on Earth, but it has been allowed to develop without extraterrestrial visitor influence. The previous chapters discussed other individual and collective behaviors humans display, which are likewise self-developed. It is not instinct or nature to be violent individually or in groups of any size, as much as this seems to be.
Spoken then written communication among humans has been left alone to develop as it would, did and has, because of our knowledge and experience with the process. Had influence been added to nearly any stage of human development , distortions to development would have occurred. This does not mean human language which grew from influences we could have seeded, planted and inserted would be negative; not at all. It means language reflects what it expresses, and comes to control that which it also reflects, as meanings and understandings are agreed.
We no longer use sound waves, vocal organs such as humans and many Earth animals also, to communicate. We are what humans call telepaths; we communicate with thought. Humans do this as often as we do, but have taught one another to shut off the incoming information. This cannot be done, we assure you, thus what is not stopped is re-labeled imagination, hunch and feeling.
We mention this to draw a comparison and contrast with relationships in our civilizations. Where thoughts cannot be concealed, where intentions, desires, fears, hopes, joys, frustrations and success are available for all to see, every person who might come within communications range will both perceive the outbound communications and likewise have their own opened up for view and understanding.
The joy of human intimacy arises from trust to allow this. We can certainly block our thoughts and sometimes do, however doing so is perceived as a sign of possible illness in our civilization. Distrust is the inability to exchange thoughts freely; some and often very many humans enjoy extraction of thoughts and information in far greater quantity than is return offered as payment for such mental goods received, however the implications of this process for human relationships which might and often involve mating and pairing up, are significant.
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No human needs our assistance to look around her and his society to observe what now occurs. Dating websites predominate, revealing how humans more and more want the search for a date, mate and relationship's fate to resemble buying, purchasing and shopping.
Human female behavior, called hypergamy, the process of marrying or forming a couple which lifts female status, economic social often both, has become corrupted. That a woman looking to form a permanent partnership of cohabitation with a male, who seeks improvements beyond she might already have, is desirable. That she seeks the ideal mate who will do best by her and their children, and by her as a natural extension, is a good process.
In the nations where female education, work and career opportunities have advanced to a point of near equality of at least opportunity with males, little if any change in the hypergamous nature of females has occurred to match. We will say now as long time observers of your civilizations, this is not the best route. Better choices abound.
Humans require communication and as long as it occurs, it will tend towards honesty. No human can maintain a false relationship unless the others involved actively choose to deny what is happening. Sadly this is not rare enough. All humans receive telepathic communication about what you do and with whom you interact, in precise proportion to the importance the thing or interaction has to human well being. An innocuous discussion of several sentences with a cashier is not so significant, a similar discussion with a potential mate however, becomes catalyst for great volumes of telepathic communication between the people and all energetic beings who accompany them.
Males have tended to express visual preferences as a priority for mate selection, over nearly any term from short to permanent. Females do this also, yet conceal and often deny it where repercussions are anticipated if these are spoken.
When using the technology previously mentioned, females reveal the level-up approach their instinct creates; based upon a facial image only, four fifths of men are below average, which as you understand is not possible. The individual female perusing the images will not believe her opinions are unachieveable, for she knows four fifths of a complete set of anything, measured by any subjective or impartial criteria, will produce approximately one third average, one third above and one third below. If she believes the subset presented is partial, she will rationalize that a more suitable selection isn't available where she is looking at the moment, and will seek other locations, places and venues.
Males in human society have typically been more revealing of their preferences, openly saying to both females of their attraction and others from their group, which people appeal to them, based on appearance.
True attraction is never however solely visual; at a point during the interaction which often arrives sooner than later, both people will discover a mental connection or dissonance. Human training and socialization teaches these signals often ignored. They should not be.
Women have traditionally sought and received social protection as this became available, both for physical safety and financial well being. Female nature is to feather and decorate the nest, as a symbol and affirmation of security it represents. As human societies have evolved to the point dependence upon male provisions has become reduced, the female desire to obtain it has not.
The shopping approach to mating has produced a self-involved satisfaction desire which often ignores the same in one's mate. Males have been constant infractors of this concept and sadly, too many females have recently adopted it, mimicking male behavior.
A mate seeks comfort and tranquility in the nest, both genders. When it is provided, do partners in a couple actively express their appreciation to the other for having given it?
Divorces occur in increasingly shorter times and at higher rates than ever, since the adoption of the now millennia old practice of the social marriage agreement. The larger majority, by the way they appear to you on Earth, of such ruptures to the social contract, are initiated by females. This has left many an observer and participant in the process concerned with the motivations and desires of females to both couple and decouple with relative historical ease.
Males have not been as given to the arrangement until their female daughters were the subject of discussions. Females have always perceived the benefit of a mate who will remain to protect her and their children. The maternal instinct has not diminished in mankind, and remains nearly universal.
Males have always been possessive as part of their protectiveness, some aggressive and excessively. This minority position is conflated to a majority, news of prominent misbehavior spread far and wide, creating greater imagery thus attitudes that such males are more common and dangerous than is actually and truly the case.
We have digressed above into areas humans study well and some understand, if among you low eagerness to, or outright unwillingness, to acknowledge this prevails.
As this book intends in many areas, we wish not only to describe but recommend, based on the development of ours and many societies across the galaxy, our suggestions presented for you now.
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Be friends with your mate, the one with whom you will have children. Until this decision is made, we have no advice beyond honesty. Social conventions will distort, contort and disrupt the expression of many preferences. We are specifically aiming our ideas at humans in the typical phase of life where mating is most common; youngsters are not the group for our advice. This group should learn more honesty as & at such part of life, which will serve them well when adulthood arrives.
Do not become parents unless you intend it; the complaining cries from many quarters which protest the fact that it is a female's body, which should not be disputed, have been launched upon society as a distraction. It is also your body to consume heroin, poison or jump off a bridge. Does control of the body make all and any acts desirable? You already know this.
If you are female, consider the effect many intimate partners will have upon your ability to settle with one. This is rarely considered; the lure, attraction, thrill and fun of the moment are overwhelming to women socialized to seek this. Proceed but with knowledge and understanding of what likely awaits; a diminished if not materially reduced ability to settle with one mate and conduct a confident relationship of trust.
If you are male, the same advice applies. You are not more of a man, more masculine and more macho in your eyes or those of anyone else, if you claim greater versus fewer intimate partners. The numbers approach, so heavily yet erroneously pushed, is backwards. Do not seek female intimacy and relations after you experience a physical urge. Allow the female who does not immediately arouse these desires to become your acquaintance then friend. Learn to spend time together on shared interests and activities. Be kind and compliment her, not as a means to an end, typically her voluntary nudity and physical intimacy with you, but as a means to itself. Enjoyment of her company.
If you are female, do not let yourself be influenced principally by male physical height, financial wealth, physical looks, ability to entertain you, often with regular and big expenditures or the according to suggestions, comments, ideas and preferences of your female friends. Do not discard the possibility of dating and mating a person who does not immediately fit your visual preferences. Females more intrinsically act upon their own preferences, a good thing, but increasingly in recent decades, and over the most recent half century certainly, do a much less thorough job of examining the preferences themselves.
It is common for younger, dating females to express a desire for taller males however the parameters typically established, exclude nine of ten men, immediately. Do females consider how this preference could be shared by many of them, and if acted upon, means the majority of dating desirous women are all aiming themselves at a segment of males far smaller than they represent? Is this approach considered viable, that six of one group want only the one of the other? What then are the probabilities the five remaining females will find an acceptable alternative within the criteria required? Those odds are zero.
Does the potential male mate's personality carry equal or superior weight to physical height? Or physique, or subjective looks, or finances?
The final aspect of the equation, which deserves the greatest consideration, is the effect upon children. This is given less consideration, both because less children are now born in societies where divorce is high and where the children are produced. Their long term influences and reactions are rarely deemed important enough to merit equal, much less superior weight, in the decision to permanently sever a relationship and remove a father from the daily lives of the offspring.
Be friends with a person who shall be your mate and a parent of the children you shall produce. The changes coming to Earth, which have already begun, will make this approach vital, literally and figuratively.
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